Discovering My Path: A Therapist's Journey into IFS

Dear reader,

Let me take you on a journey. A journey that, interestingly enough, began when I was frustrated.

I was working as a therapist, armed with the well-recognized tools of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). But to my surprise, these tools weren't quite doing the job. I would work with patients, tackling their present issues with all I had. But more often than not, their progress would unravel between sessions. It was like I was pushing a boulder uphill, only for it to roll back down again. And if I'm being honest, these traditional methods weren't even working for me personally.

The thing that bothered me the most? I was expected to have all the answers. It felt like I was placed on an expert pedestal and asked to whip out solutions from thin air. That burden was suffocating. I needed a change, a new approach. And that’s where Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy entered the picture.

The three phases of my journey to IFS could be characterized as follows. Initially, I was all about CBT/ACT. Then, I gradually shifted toward a more process and interpersonal style of work, focusing on self-disclosure, honesty, and addressing the elephant in the room. Finally, I discovered IFS. Each phase was a building block, giving me the cumulative knowledge I use today. But, let me tell you, IFS felt like a revelation.

Like many starting in this field, I clung to textbooks and the wisdom of my lecturers like a lifeline. Being scared of making mistakes, worried about being exposed as an impostor, I needed rules, clear-cut guidelines. But as I got my feet wet, I began to see the cracks. The rules didn't always lead to the right destination. My never-quite-satisfied part, the one always striving for growth and improvement, started to whisper, “there must be a better way.” That's how I found myself knocking on the door of IFS therapy.

I've always connected with people through humor, observations, and saying what's actually going on, rather than dancing around the issue. That natural tendency of mine was like a compass, pointing me toward a more process-driven therapy. I started to listen more, not just to what my patients were saying, but how they were saying it. I became a bit like a detective, picking up clues from our interactions.

That's where the power of IFS started to reveal itself to me. It wasn't just about my patients' relationships with others, but also the relationship within themselves. As I started exploring IFS, I noticed that my focus as a therapist began to zoom in. First, it was on my patients and their external interactions, then on our relationship in the therapy room, and finally on their internal world.

At first, IFS seemed alien to me. Its language felt unfamiliar, almost unprofessional, and I wasn't aware of any research backing its effectiveness. I wasn't introduced to it in university and compared to the well-established schema therapy I was learning, it felt like a wild card.

Despite my reservations, my curiosity got the better of me. I started reading more about it, joined Facebook groups, and began to sneak elements of IFS into my practice. Slowly but surely, I began to see the common threads between IFS and schema therapy, and even with my own religious beliefs.

As I started incorporating IFS into my practice, something amazing happened. My patients started having breakthroughs. Insights that would have taken months to uncover seemed to surface naturally. It was as if IFS had given us a key to a hidden door, leading to a deeper, more personal understanding of their challenges. Knowing my ADHD self, if I did not find something rewarding about IFS, I would have shifted long back. But the rewards were powerful and frequent. The changes in patients symptoms, the attitude towards therapy, the self-compassion that emerged, the facing of fears, the trust in self the list goes on. IFS has breathed new life into my practice and deepened my connection with my patients in ways I never anticipated. It has shifted how I view therapy, emphasizing the relational aspect of our inner selves and the insights that emerge from it.

But don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t all sunshine and roses. I had to grapple with the transition from being the analytical expert to the curious guide. There were and continue to be moments when I faltered, when I slipped back into old habits. But as I stuck with it, I discovered that IFS was a powerful lens through which to view and understand our complex internal landscapes. I'm still on this journey, still learning, still refining my approach. But I can honestly say that I'm excited about the path ahead.

Yours

Azaan